Times Change

It's been awhile. Things have changed. 

Homeschool? Not this year. 

Public School? Yes - and it's been okay. 

I have loved most all my years of homeschooling and wouldn't change it. Our family had many years where we were together - 24/7. There are good and not so good times. Just like every family, we don't get along every second of every day. There were days that it was best that we stayed in our own rooms and other days that we hung out all together. (All that to say, if you homeschool, don't let those moms who say their kids never fight get to you - they are lying! I had a mom tell me that, and it made me feel so much less of a parent bc my two 'angels' had been at each other's throats. I believed that lie for a time, then another mom, a more seasoned mom, told me that whoever said that needs to get out of their bubble bc they had been around that mom and her kids were heathens. lol) 

Now, I loved getting to teach each girl how to read, write, and all the fun things we learn as we grow. I loved getting to mold the curriculum to their personal learning styles - which were different for each girl. Watching that 'ah ha' moment happen during a subject is such a great feeling. Getting to know my girls and develop a friendship along with a mom/daughter relationship is a wonderful thing. However, homeschooling is a calling, and sometimes that calling gets shifted. 

But this year things got shaken up. We offered the option of public school to both girls and they both decided to give it a whirl. We registered and got them off on their first day and they have adjusted well. One loves the school atmosphere and one is tolerating it. lol 

There has been ups and downs in the first 9 weeks of classes, but for the most part, I think they are doing great. Both are taking dual enrollment courses and one is in an A/P class. One is straight "A's" and one is a bit more diversified in grades, but still doing well. We have gone to the football games, homecoming dance and other activities. We are transitioning slowly to a new routine. We are also enjoying those breaks more. 

I am still on the struggle bus on how to spend my days. I miss my girls. I feel kind of loss as to my role in the family. But that is for another post. So, I spend more time praying, and my house seems cleaner. But I am considering picking up a part time job, maybe.....eventually. 

We will see how it plays out over the next few months. Well, I may or may not try to keep this blog more up-to-date, but either way here is a quick refresher on my life.

The Journey

Invasion conference has started at my church. It's an annual gathering that is powerful and I look forward to it every year. Yesterday during the day, I was thinking and talking to God about how I just want to touch his hem, like the lady with the issue of blood. I wanted instant answers, instant healing, instant results. But then I went to service and was listening to the speaker. He was teaching on Jairus (daughter was dying, got Jesus and was taking him to his house to heal his daughter when the woman touched His robe). Then the speaker says - sometimes we want the instant relief, when God wants to see if we will stick with him through the journey.... WOW Am I praying for instant relief, when God wants to see how I will stick with Him through the journey???? And how am I doing with that? Am I frustrated bc it's not happening on my timeline? Am I drawing closer to God through the journey or am I pulling away? Am I looking more at my problems than to the Holy One? Am I distracted bc I lost my focus? God orchestrated the night. He knew what my thoughts and prayers would be and then gave the speaker a word - for me. You see, Jairus' daughter was worse when Jesus "finally" got to the house, but God did a greater miracle - he rose that girl from the dead. He didn't forget that Jairus had a need, a desire, he took Jairus on a journey and bc Jairus didn't quit, didn't get distracted, didn't lose focus, Jesus did greater things than Jairus thought. Don't lose hope if the journey is long, or you feel like you're overlooked....keep your focus on Jesus and stay the course. He has great things coming your way - just hold on! “But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith.”” ‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:36‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Friendship 1

God sometimes has to tear down something before He can rebuild it the way He wants it to be built. Wildflowers by Robin Jones Gunn

How can something written in a fiction novel move me to tears? I love to read, Christian fiction, in the summer or winter ot fall or spring. It is a great way for me to relax while the girls are playing or hanging out. I get to sit in a chair under my umbrella and relax listening to my girls have fun. I am the type of reader that can just into a book and really feel apart of the story. Seriously, I find myself speaking German-Dutch after reading an Amish themed book. :P

Anyways, back to my original thoughts...

The hardest thing that I've had to deal with is ending friendships. I don't make friends easily. I am not the type of person others are drawn to. I have many acquaintances, but not many friends. I am normally okay with that. But recently I've felt a tug towards cutting loose a few people. This is hard. But in reality I haven't felt 'safe' in these relationships in a long time. I know that God is leading me this way, but it would be nice if he could just send one person I can confide in, trust in, be myself in. Someone who doesn't feel threatened when they don't know all. Someone who won't run and tell the others the things spoken in confidence. Someone who won't ignore you when someone better is around.

You see, I know people who have hurt others by their actions, who up until recently I thought were victims, but it has been revealed that they were really the cause.

I ask God - send me a friend! He responds - no earthly person can fill that role.

Philippians 1:15-18 "It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but other out of goodwill. The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in everyway, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice."